Mental health issues? Yes. Ashamed? No.

I have been on anti-depressants for the past 15 years. In that time, I have increasingly become more ok with talking about it, and in doing so have met more and more people who are also using medication to manage their mental health.

Acknowledgement, when it comes, can be as simple as a wink, or ‘I’m on those too’, to a full outpouring of a person’s history and struggles. These interactions can also range from a one-to-one chat to me just blurting something out in a group setting. Sharing something as personal as having mental health issue always makes me feel vulnerable, but, so far, I have never had a bad reaction to my confessions. And, on reflection, a good proportion of people come back with their own admissions or stories of family members or friends with mental health issues.

It’s not just me

It is a common phrase in the media that there is a ‘mental health epidemic’. Whether this is new and related to modern living or has always been with us is up for debate. There is, however, evidence that a significant proportion of the UK population experiences a mental health issue each year. According to mind.org.uk:

• 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem of some kind each year in England ^[1]
• 1 in 6 people report experiencing a common mental health problem (like anxiety or depression) in any given week in England ^[2]

That’s a whole load of people having a crappy time. No wonder I have encountered so many people going through similar things in the last 15 years.

A short-term fix?

So, this being the case, I often wonder why there is still a stigma in taking the medication?

I have had many conversations with people who I have opened up about how they are looking to ‘come off my tablets’ or feeling like they are ‘too dependent’ on them. In the early days of taking my medication this was a goal of mine too, and I did.

For a while I was fine – I had a new job and was also a very recent father. My life was busy but overall good. Then the feelings of anxiety started to creep back in and with them the low mood and black cloud that I knew was a sign of me slipping back into that dark place. I knew I could not be the partner and father I needed to be in this state, so I went back to my GP and got back on the meds, and got back on track.

For me, being medicated improves my quality of life and I don’t see a reason to stop taking them. Yet even though there is more and more discourse in media and society about mental health (especially after Covid and the pressures it put in everyone) why does it feel (to me, at least) that there’s still a predominant feeling that you shouldn’t need them?

On the ‘happy pills’

It feels to me that if you need anti-depressants you can be seen as weak, by others but also by yourself. There are some who may fear that maybe they will change you, turn you into a zombie or alter your personality. There is also a view that they are seen as ‘cheating’? That you can get the same results in other ways. Because ‘you just need to get out more, eat better, sleep better, get more exercise, meditate, think more positively’. Even though these things may be impossible if you are in the grip of depression.

I wonder if this is because there’s a misunderstanding of how the drugs work? Even I sometimes refer to my medication as my ‘happy pills’, which isn’t a helpful phrase. It suggests they act like some sort of party drug that instantly makes you happy, but they don’t work like this at all. Anti-depressants doenable you to be happy, but not instantaneously. Not with a rush and a buzz and a compulsion to hug random strangers. They work so that you have the ability to experience happiness, contentment, or just be on a neutral level, in situations where these feelings would be expected.

For some there is so much shame that they don’t want to take them at all. So people are missing out on the huge benefits of these medications because of these false beliefs. Like so much in life, you need to experience something before you can assess it properly and when I took the olive branch of medication, I found that none of the above was true.

What’s the difference?

For me, for the foreseeable future, there is no getting off the medication. Without its support, I am just not myself.

Thinking about other conditions where you need to medicate daily, I wondered why there was an expectation for me to stop my therapy but not for others? I suppose there is an argument that if I were on blood thinners because of heart problems or insulin because of diabetes that my body would shut down and I would die. If I stop taking my antidepressants I will not die – however my quality of life will be significantly impacted. Although there is not a physical need for them for my body to survive, I know without them I would not be as happy, productive or loving as I am with them.

I have discussed with my GP whether there is any long-term health reasons to stop my medication, and they assured me that there were none. In my mind there are only downsides to stopping them. To be clear, I have also done my fair share of talking therapy and CBT, not to mention being a massive advocate for exercising regularly. I know drugs are not the answer when taken in isolation, but I also know they are a powerful tool in the struggle against depression and one that shows results relatively quickly.

Ultimately, it is a personal choice whether you take antidepressants short-term, long-term, or not at all. I am just saying to those that need to hear it that you are not less of a person for having to take medication. I gave up thinking ‘I should be able to live without medication’ years ago, and taking that pressure off means I feel happier and more content.

I would rather be well than medication free.